I'm jealous of your bromance
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Alive.
So much puke
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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