so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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Even my vagina gasped.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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