I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
