What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
