people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
