Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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