I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
