Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
