The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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