The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
