is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
