I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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