I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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