come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
