...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
