This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
