OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
