i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
