i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
