I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
