Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
