Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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