Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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