Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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