I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
