I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
