3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We need to rekindle our bromance
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
