Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
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The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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