Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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