respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
