Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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