So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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