Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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