Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
