dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
