Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
