I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
