the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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