im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
