I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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