She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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