$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
