We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
