I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
