I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
