You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
