i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
