yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
