I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
