I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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