I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When did angry sex become our thing?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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