I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
