I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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