It's like God shit irony all over that family
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
