i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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