Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
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Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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