And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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