I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize