ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
