I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We need to get me chipped asap
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
