You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
