Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
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It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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