one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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