I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
