haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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