Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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