Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
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My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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