Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
