I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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