Joe is yelling at the trees again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
