Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
