He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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