A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
