And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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