why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
