Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
