im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
