That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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