His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
