She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
