i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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