Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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