We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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