I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
