i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
