First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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