I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial