You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
