I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
